I often get asked whether anal penetration is the only way to do prostate massage. You might be surprised to hear that the answer is no. You can do lots of fun prostate play by massaging the perineum, which is the area between the balls and the anus.
The prostate is a few inches above the perineum, so the sensations from a firm massage get transmitted through the muscles and other tissues in between, into the prostate. It’s not as intense as when you do anal penetration. Think of it like massaging someone’s shoulders when they’re wearing a sweater versus bare skin. But it’s a great way to add a little extra something to oral sex, or to try prostate sensations if you’re nervous about anal play, or if you just want to enjoy prostate pleasure but don’t feel like getting out the gloves and lube. In fact, so many guys enjoy it that we like calling it the “sweet spot.” Besides, that’s a much sexier name than “perineum.”
Massaging the sweet spot is more likely to feel good on your prostate if your penis is erect since the firmer tissue will transmit sensation more deeply. Finding the right point can take a little exploration. Put one or two fingertips right behind the scrotum and push in firmly. Hold for a few seconds before releasing, and then try a spot a little further towards the anus. Try different amounts of pressure, but don’t press so much that it’s uncomfortable. For most men, the sweet spot is closer to the anus than the balls, but it can vary.
What you’re looking for is an area where the pressure feels a bit different. It might feel like a slight tingle or other subtle sensation, especially if you’ve never done any direct prostate stimulation. It can be easier to find the sweet spot if you’ve also done prostate massage with anal penetration since you’ll be more familiar with where it is and how it feels.
Try doing long presses with your fingertips, or hold deep pressure and vibrate your fingers quickly. You can also try small circles, as long as you’re careful to not scratch with your fingernails. Some guys like to sit on a tennis ball or rolled up socks. And if you have a Magic Wand Vibrator (formerly known as the Hitachi), the super strong vibrations are perfect for sweet spot massage. Try it with a Silicone Pop Top for some fun variations on the texture.
If you’re doing this on a partner, you can try all of those tips, on their own or during oral sex or a handjob. You can also press deeply with the heel of your hand, or even make a fist and roll your knuckles over the area as if you were kneading dough. And if you’re doing prostate massage with a couple of fingers inside him, use your thumb or your other hand to stimulate his sweet spot.
It may take a while to feel the sweet spot, during this session or over the course of several sessions, so don’t give up right away. Have fun doing whatever you normally do, and let this exploration be the icing on the cake. Be sure to keep up familiar forms of stimulation so that the arousal stays high.
If you are looking all over the perineum and can’t find anything, take a break. Do something else you enjoy and try again in five or ten minutes. You might also try massaging the perineum during ejaculation. Since the prostate is most swollen and sensitive at that point, it’s more sensitive to pressure. Just remember- this is about feeling good, so don’t stress if it doesn’t happen right away. Have fun!
Charlie
I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.
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Man, I’ve always thought it was a little gay to do that with the butt hole. But this sounds like a fun thing I can try!
Definitely good advice for guys new to this. I liked the comparison of massaging the perineum to massaging someone with a sweater verse naked skin.. good one. Although I always prefer a massage on ‘bare skin’… that is direct to the prostate. I’m a fan of those silicone prostate massagers. They stimulate the prostate from the inside and perineum on the outside. I get that its daunting, so I think the article above has great advice; I may even try the tennis ball thing.
I actually have multiple, whole body non-ejaculatory orgasms just from rubbing my perineum. I’ve become so sensitive there that it can only take a few seconds before everthing is contracting down there, just like a regular ejaculatory orgasm. The orgasms keep coming one right after the other and I can go on doing it until I’m exhausted . This can be done even over light pants, though, just like the sweater anlogy, it’s not as intense. It’s really a convenient way to get off alone or with a partner. My wife has become very good at it and sems to really enjoy watching me.
I have been using a prostate massager many times but it always just seemed uncomfortable and I could not go the full length with it. Perhaps I was too vigorous just to find that I am sore and uncomfortable the next day. Then one night I made a discovery quite by chance that changed my life. I was alone at home and lying on the bed playing with one of my wife’s vibrators lightly on my perineum actually quite bored, but boy was I surprised at what happened. I am quite addicted to it now as I can get mind blowing full body orgasms and dry penis orgasms that just seem to carry on one after the other. I counted up to 21 of them in 45 minutes after that I lost count as I am sure my spirit went somewhere far away from this planet. The secret is to not concentrate on your penis at all or to try and maintain an erection just concentrate on and enjoy the sensations that you feel. We men are too used to want to feel something in the penis immediately and that makes it difficult for us to enjoy what women has been enjoying for ages. Just relax clear your mind and enjoy the feelings your body wants to give you. You will be surprised what a small vibrator can do at different pressures on your perineum. Start with lightly vibrating the rim of your anus and enjoy the sensation from hundreds of sensory points and work your way gently up to the sweet spot and apply just a little more pressure in different directions. You will know when you hit the right spot as your body will start to shake uncontrollably and from there on you will not want to stop as the sensations just keeps on getting better. Afterwards you will feel totally full of energy and still be able to make love to your partner with a mind blowing ejaculatory orgasm.
Darel, thanks for sharing. You said it perfectly when you said “The secret is to not concentrate on your penis at all”. No doubt we men learn from the start that the penis is the key to our pleasure and the goal is to ejaculate. If a man can get past that idea and give himself a chance to feel the overwhelming pleasure of prostate stimulation, he’ll come to the conclusion that ejaculation is completely optional. If fact, I’m usually disappointed if/when I ejaculate during sex because it means I’ll only be able to have a couple more orgasms before it’s over. Of course, by that time, my wife has usually had enough and is ready to stop anyway.
Before I discovered the joys of prostate stimulation, I had become kind of bored with sex because while it felt nice, it only felt intensely good for a few seconds before I ejaculated. It seemed like a big build up for a very short period of pleasure. Now I have that same intense pleasure over and over again, almost constantly, for pretty much however long I or my wife want to. I have gotten to the point that I can have penile stimulation along with prostate stimulation and can usually not ejaculate until/unless I want to. I assume it’s because I’m not concentrating on the feeling in my penis as much as I’m concentrating on the incredible feelings deeper inside. This is, of course, a great situation because I can last as long as my wife wants me to.
I always laughed at solutions for lasting longer that included thinking of something else. Seriously, you’re supposed to distance yourself from the pleasure you’re experiencing? That’s not a solution. Before my re-wiring, I would either ejaculate very quickly if I allowed myself to feel the pleasure or I would fight the feeling for the first few minutes and then had very little pleasure and sometimes would even have to either force myself to ejaculate or give up without it. Now, I can experience tremendous pleasure the whole time. And, as you said, when I do ejaculate, it’s orders of magnitude more better than before. I can usually go on to have a few more orgasms within the next couple minutes before I’m done.
It’s hard to believe and sad that so few men (and women) know about this.
Dear Paul…Please elaborate…r u saying you can keep massaging ur prostate without annal penetration…while making love to your wife/partner at the same time..???
We very rarely do anal penetration anymore since I find perineum massage more pleasurable. She massages my perineum while giving a HJ or BJ and during intercourse when she’s in the reverse cowgirl position.
I think in order to stimulate the prostate itself, you need to use a fair amount of pressure on the perineum. But even very light massaging on my perineum sends me into orgasm heaven now. I believe I’ve just become more sensitized in that area and it’s stimulating the bundle of nerves there.
I gave it a try and its loads of fun!
This is great info, thanks for the comments. Life changing!