One of the most frequent questions I hear about prostate play (once we get past the common concerns) is whether something as slim as a finger or the Aneros MGX is going to do anything. After all, we’re so used to thinking that bigger is better, so how can a slender toy or a finger be effective?
First off, can we please set aside the whole “more is better” attitude? Each person has their own preferences for length and width, whether that’s for anal or vaginal play, and too big can be really uncomfortable. As the old joke goes, the difference between “ouch” and “yum” is about two inches. That’s especially true for anal play, since the rectum has a 90 degree bend about 6-8 inches in, and that doesn’t address the question of width at all. A lot of anal enthusiasts prefer width over length, but even so, there’s still a point at which wider becomes painful.
Something that a lot of people don’t realize is that once your toy is wider than the prostate, going bigger doesn’t get you more prostate sensation. If you think about it, it makes sense. You can’t get more surface area contact with a toy that’s wider than the prostate and unlike the anus or the vagina, the prostate isn’t getting stretched any further. So while bigger toys can offer more anal or vaginal sensation, there’s a maximum size for prostate pleasure.
Of course, that doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy the added anal stimulation. But anal pleasure and prostate pleasure are different. In fact, some of the men we surveyed for the book said that if they could get direct prostate massage without anal penetration they would, some said that they liked both together, and others reported that sometimes they wanted one, and sometimes they wanted the other. In fact, at least one guy said that he doesn’t really enjoy prostate sensations at all, but that he really likes anal play. All of that parallels what women say about the G-spot.
And then there’s the fact that a smaller surface can actually offer more intense pleasures. Think about the difference between having someone rub your back with the point of their thumb versus their entire hand. The same force over a smaller surface area means more pressure. This is less of a factor for fingers since you can apply pressure with two or three fingers, but when we’re talking about a dildo or an Aneros toy, you can often get more pleasure from something slimmer. Sometimes, less is more.
Besides, when it comes to anal play, it’s good to have more possibilities available to you. The anal and pelvic muscles can get tight, especially if you’ve been sitting in a chair or a car for hours, or if you’re feeling stressed. Even experienced anal players have days when their bodies don’t want large toys, just as we have days when we don’t feel all that hungry for dinner. If you get too attached to the ideas that bigger is always better or that you should be able to handle the same toy that you could handle last time, you’re a lot more likely to have an unpleasant time or even end up hurting yourself.
So if you’re looking for a dildo or other toy for prostate fun, don’t get too worried about the size. You can have a mind-blowing time with something as slim as a finger. And that is a fantastic way to enjoy prostate fun.
Charlie
I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.
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I have an Aneros and various other anal toys. The anus gives me pleasure. But the prostate never gives me any. None. I even paid a female prostitute who offered prostate massage and I didn’t feel a thing, in fact asked her if she had in fact done it. My urologist says some guys just don’t feel anything. I’m quite disappointed and have given up on it.
OK, straight guy who no longer has a prostate (cancer removal 8 yrs ago). Shortly before finding out about cancer, I discovered how amazing prostate massage can be. Happily married over 40 yrs but since cancer the wife won’t touch me (menopause also kicked in). So I have been experimenting with anal stimulation and have used anal plugs several times as well as a dildo. I am finding that size does matter to me at least. Not necessary the length but the diameter. How can I get better stimulation and enjoyment from this anal play?