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April 12, 2013

Add A Little Extra To Pegging With These Great Toys

Filed under: Sex Tips,Toy Reviews — Tags: , , , , , , , — Charlie @ 10:03 am

I get a lot of questions from women who want to try pegging or who have given it a shot, and want to get a little more pleasure out of the experience. Of course, lots of women get off on the experience of pegging, even if they don’t get much direct physical stimulation from it. But there are also some great toys that will give you some extra action.

Some harnesses let you place the base of your dildo low enough down that it rests on your clitoris. That means that every thrust presses it into you, which can be enough in itself for some women. I even know one dedicated harness user who added a clitoral hood piercing so that the bead on the ring would hit the spot. Now, that’s not something that everyone will want to do, but it does show how creative people get when it comes to sex!

Low-rise harnesses will work better for this, and Spareparts makes some awesome ones. The Tomboi and the Sasha are especially good because they’re designed to have a little stretch. When you pull back, the base of the dildo move a little away from your body, so when you push back in, you’ll get even more sensation. (Here’s a review of the Sasha.) One of the great features of these harnesses is that they simply pull on, so they’re super easy to use. They’re also machine-washable, making clean up a snap. I also like how the ring that holds the dildo is sewn in, rather that being held in by straps, because there aren’t any snaps to bump into anyone’s tender parts. A lot of women who have used these harnesses have said that they were able to orgasm from the clitoral stimulation, which makes pegging awesome!

Another great choice is the Feeldoe. You insert the bulb into your vagina and use your PC muscles to hold it there while using the other end on your partner. There’s also a vibrator for added fun, as well as small ridges to press against your clitoris. And just so you know, the shaft isn’t as long as it looks in the photo because the wearer’s body takes up a few inches of it. The insertable portion is about 6 inches (15 cm) long.

The Feeldoe can be a little tricky to hold onto, and the difficulty is that making the bulb bigger also makes it less comfortable for some women. If it slips out at the wrong moment, try wearing the Feeldoe in a low-rise harness to get a little extra support. It’s a great combination.

Want some other choices? Some harnesses like the Vibrating Corsette Harness have a mini vibrator that slips into a pocket in the front pad. If you enjoy vibrators, these can be a fantastic way to get some extra stimulation. These harnesses are super adjustable, machine washable, and quite comfortable. They’re also a great choice if you’re new to pegging because they cost less than some other models. That makes them a good starter harness for a lot of folks. Plus, the wider strap across the back looks really sexy.

If you like G-spot pleasure, take a look at the Smartballs. They have a small marble that rolls around inside of them. Insert them into your vagina and each time you move your hips, you’ll get a little hands-free G-spot action. The single ball might be easier for some women, especially during pegging, but if you want a lot of stimulation, try the double. The Smartballs are coated in body-safe silicone (including the string), so washing them is easy. I’ve also heard from some women who wear them when they go out dancing.

Speaking of toys that work well for pegging and for dancing, check out the Club Vibe. It looks like a standard bullet vibrator, but the battery pack picks up on any background noise to control the vibrator. It works really well at at club since each beat of the music will make it pulse. But you can also have a great time with it during sex since every time you or your partner makes a sound, the vibrator will switch on. There’s a lot of potential for a feedback loop: the more noise you make, the more it vibrates and the more it vibrates, the better it feels. Just don’t wake up the neighbors!

The Club Vibe 2.0 is a bit bigger, and it’s designed to slip into a pair of panties for a night out on the town. But I bet it would work really well with the Tomboi or Sasha harnesses. (I haven’t had anyone test this yet, so if you’ve given it a try, I’d love to hear how it worked.)

Don’t forget that lots of women enjoy anal play, too. You can wear a butt plug while pegging your partner. Just make sure that the bulb is wide enough relative to the neck to stay in during vigorous action. The Bootie Plug (reviewed here) and the larger Bootsy Plug both have an asymmetric shape that makes it easier to insert. Rather than going straight in, try sliding them in on a C-curve that follows the shape of the toy. The slim base means that you can put your legs in any position without losing the toy.

As you can see, there are lots of ways to make sure that pegging is as fun for you as it is for him. It takes a little creativity and some experimentation, but it’s definitely worth it. After all, sex is even more fun when you’re both seeing fireworks. Have fun!

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

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April 9, 2013

Three Ways To Give An Amazing Prostate Massage

Filed under: Sex Tips — Tags: , — Charlie @ 10:12 am

Prostate massage can be one of the most incredible sexual experiences. Fingers are incredibly sensitive and versatile, so you can give your partner all sorts of different pleasures. Here are some tips to supercharge your techniques.

First, more isn’t always better. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that if a little is good, more will rock your guy’s world, but that’s not how it works. Think of it like music. You want it loud enough to hear, but not so loud that it hurts your ears. When you press too firmly on the prostate, you want that middle zone, too.

That can be a little tricky because when you get excited, it’s easy to go harder or faster than feels good for your partner. Try playing some music with a steady beat to keep you on your rhythm. If you catch yourself speeding up, just listen to the music to catch the right tempo! Go for something in the range of 110-120 beats per minute. Here’s a website that lists lots of different genres of music, sorted by speed. Find a few of your favorite songs and make a prostate playlist!

The same thing applies when we’re talking about how much pressure to use. Each guy is a bit different, so you’ll need to experiment. And how much pressure he likes will vary as his prostate engorges and the sensations change. Start off with about as much force as you use when you type, and then play with slightly less and a bit more. With some experimentation, you can zero in on what works for him. Just remember that there’s a maximum, after which it can become uncomfortable.

Second, change things up every so often. When you do the same thing over and over, the nerves get used to it and it stops feeling as good. It’s rather like tickling someone- if you don’t vary your technique, it’ll stop working. Every couple of minutes, switch up what you’re doing- tapping, circles, jostling, the “come hither” strokes (we describe three of them in our book). There are lots of different finger moves, so you have a lot to play with.

You can also change the intensity. When you go from deeper touch to softer, or the other way around, you’ll catch his attention and keep him focused on the pleasure. Or try your finger moves on different parts of the prostate. It’s big enough that you can work on one side and then the other, or the deeper portion and then the shallower portion. You can work the entire gland, and then just one area. You both might be surprised at how good that can feel.

Having said all that, when he’s getting close to orgasm, don’t vary what you’re doing. Stick with it because changing things up at that point can derail the process and actually lower the pleasure right when you want it most.

And lastly, ask him to tell you how it feels. The best way for you to know what effect your fingers are having is to get him to let you know. One good way to do that is pretty similar to getting your eyes checked. Do one technique for 15-20 seconds, and then do another one. Have him tell you which one he liked more. Another method is to have him tell you on a scale of 1-10 how much he’s enjoying what you’re doing. Each time you vary the technique, tempo, or pressure, ask him again. That’ll give you plenty of useful info for future sessions. Just remember that how he rates each technique might change as he moves through his arousal cycle.

So there you have it. Three easy ways to make prostate massage incredible. Pick up a copy of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure (available in paperback and Kindle) for lots more tips and all the info you need to discover new ways to enjoy prostate play. Have fun!

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

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April 4, 2013

Does Anal Sex Cause Hemorrhoids?

Filed under: Sex Tips — Tags: , , — Charlie @ 10:59 pm

Here’s a question I got on Facebook:

Do you have a grasp of the research on the link between anal sex as a cause for hemorrhoids? Any chance you’ve encountered something like a metastudy?

Some sex educators and columnists claim there’s no link. And I see some medical sites do claim a link, but these same sites also use weirdly moralizing tones about anal sex (i.e. it’s not natural, not designed for sex, etc).

While there’s not much good research on the topic, here’s what I can tell you.

Hemorrhoids are like varicose veins, but instead of happening in the legs, they happen in the blood vessels in the anus. They can occur when the pelvic and anal muscles are too tight, which traps blood in the veins, so they bulge out, sort of like a bicycle innertube pushing out through a weak spot in the tire. There are different reasons people get them such as constipation causing them to squeeze extra hard when they have a bowel movement, the extra pressure on the pelvic floor during pregnancy, or long term stress making the pelvic muscles tighten for extended periods without relaxing (especially during prolonged sitting or driving). Unfortunately, a minor case of hemorrhoids can be uncomfortable, causing an itching or burning sensation. That feeling can, in turn, make the anus tighten further and create an ongoing cycle of discomfort and muscle tension.

Some folks wonder whether anal sex can cause hemorrhoids, but when it’s done correctly, anal sex can actually help you avoid them by helping the pelvic floor to relax. The trick is to never go further than your body is capable of enjoying because if you do, it’ll make the muscles tighten up. In fact, mild cases of hemorrhoids can be helped by gentle anal massage, in much the same way that any tight muscles can be encouraged to relax through massage. I’m talking about a finger, a slim buttplug, or perhaps one of the Aneros products. The goal is to be very slow, and very mild. It’s not about sexual stimulation as much as soft touch. Given the discomfort, you probably don’t want to have much anal play when you have a case of hemorrhoids, anyway. If you’re experiencing hemorrhoids, it can also help to slip on a glove and lubricate the anus a before bowel movement in order to reduce how much you need to squeeze. That’s especially beneficial if you’re having constipation or for pregnant women.

It is possible for anal sex to lead to hemorrhoids when it’s not done right. If, for example, you don’t use enough lubricant or if you go faster than your body prefers, you can end up irritating the sensitive anal tissues. That can cause the muscles to tighten up in response to the discomfort, which can lead to hemorrhoids. Anecdotally, I’ve heard of this happening when folks are drunk or stoned past the point of being able to pay attention to the signals during sex that would be telling them to add lube or slow down. The same thing can happen when the receiver doesn’t feel comfortable telling their partner what they need during anal sex. And if you have a minor case of hemorrhoids, anal play can irritate them and make them worse.

So the answer to your question is: sort of. Anal sex really does require a fair bit of know-how to do safely and pleasurably, just as lifting weights needs to be done correctly to avoid injury. That’s why we have a whole chapter devoted just to that in our book.

And yes, a lot of people do have some unfortunate anal-phobic attitudes. That doesn’t mean that they know what they’re talking about. After all, lifting weights isn’t all that “natural” either, but I’ve never heard anyone say that people shouldn’t do it on that account. So don’t let those attitudes get in your way. Listen to your body, follow the pleasure, and have fun!

If you have questions about any kind of sex or sexual health issue, drop me a note through our contact form, through my website, or through Facebook. I’m always happy to track down info and help you have the best sex you can!

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

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April 1, 2013

USB Butt Plug Revolutionizes Sex Toy Technology

Filed under: Uncategorized — Aislinn @ 6:08 pm

Sex toy technology has been advancing in leaps and bounds in recent years, from fucking machines to remote control toys to vibes that buzz to the beat of the music that you are playing.

But I was amazed when I discovered the newest development in sex toys tech: the USB Butt Plug.

When inserted, this remarkable toy harnesses the bioelectric energy of the root chakra, thereby charging your USB compatible devices while you wear it. Simply apply the same kind of lube that you’d use with any electrostim device, insert, plug in your mp3 player or phone, get yourself good and aroused to key up the nerve activity in the prostate area, and it charges your gadgets while you wear it!

The innovative creators of this toy are currently developing a larger model with a standard electrical outlet, so you can plug in your hitachi or other electric vibe, eliminating the need for extension cords. The projected release date is next year on April Fool’s Day. I can’t wait!

Aislinn

Aislinn

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Supercharge Your Prostate Massage With The Hello Touch By Jimmyjane

Filed under: Toy Reviews — Tags: , , , — Charlie @ 10:10 am

I’m a big fan of prostate massage and there are a lot of great finger moves to drive your partner wild. And of course, there are plenty of fun vibrators for when you want to switch things up. Now, you can do both at the same time, for an experience that’s unlike anything else.

The Hello Touch by Jimmyjane isn’t the first fingertip vibrator, but it’s the best one yet. There’s a super slim vibe inside each of the two silicone pads which are connected to the battery pack. Just slip the battery pack onto your wrist and then put the vibes on. The vibration is more rumbly than buzzy, so it penetrates deeply and creates an amazing sensation. And it’s remarkably quiet, so unlike many battery vibrators, you don’t have to worry about anyone hearing you. Though the odds are that you’ll be making plenty of noise when you use it.

You can wear one vibe on your index and one on your middle finger for broader stimulation on the prostate, or put one on your index finger and the other on your thumb so you can massage the prostate and the perineum at the same time. Both options are pretty amazing. Using it is pretty intuitive- just do what you would usually do when you give a prostate massage.

Although Jimmyjane says that you can simply wash the vibes after use, I recommend putting them on and then slipping a glove on. It works best with larger gloves since your usual gloves might be a bit too snug to slip on over the fingerpads. In most circumstances, gloves that are too large for your hand bunch up and the folds make an in-and-out motion less pleasant, but the Hello Touch works best without that particular movement because you want constant contact. So don’t worry about folds from the gloves irritating the anus.

Insertion is a bit trickier since the pads add a little size to your fingertip. I suggest getting warmed up to the point of being able to accommodate two fingers before putting the vibe inside. (Yes, that means taking off your gloves and then using fresh ones, or using your other hand.) The vibration feels pretty amazing on the anus, even before you slip your fingers inside, so don’t forget to do lots of external massage. The Hello Touch is an amazing way to warm up for anal penetration.

Once you have the vibrator pads on the prostate, you’ll probably find that it works best when you have constant touch. So the “come hither” motion doesn’t work as well as maintaining contact and varying the pressure. Or move in circles, slide down from the deep end of the prostate, or use one finger to keep the vibrator touching the prostate while another finger curls and taps it. Any of those will work better than an on-and-off massage technique, and when you find the right one for your partner, he’ll definitely let you know. If you’re a fan of prostate milking, you’ll love the Hello Touch.

One of the big reasons I like this toy is that you can still get the closeness and connection of prostate massage, while also having the fun of a vibrator. Don’t get me wrong- I like other prostate vibrators, too. But they do lack that direct intimacy of two bodies in contact, and the Hello Touch allows that.

As amazing as the Hello Touch is, I do think there’s room for improvement. I’d like to be able to change the speed. After a while, the prostate gets used to a consistent level of stimulation and ramping up or down can intensify things. I’d also like to have the choice of pulsing the vibration, for the same reason. But you can always turn the vibrator off and continue the massage for a few minutes to let your partner’s body reset itself. When you turn it back on, it’ll feel more sensitive.

A few folks have reported that the silicone bands that hold the vibrators on your fingers are too tight. They stretch out pretty quickly, but if your fingers are large, rubber band a few pencils together and slip the vibrator over them for a while to loosen them up. And the company says that larger fingerbands and wristbands are available upon request. Hopefully, they’ll be in stores soon, too.

If you want some other uses for the Hello Touch, don’t forget that it can be just as fun to use it on the G-spot as on the prostate! Or play with your partner’s nipples, clitoris, or penis. Use it on the testicles and perineum during a blow job. Just be sure to take the glove off after it’s been inside someone’s ass before doing anything else with it! And women who enjoy clitoral vibration during intercourse will find that the slim profile makes this toy really easy to use in most sex positions.

The Hello Touch is made from high quality, body-safe silicone, and it’s phthalate-free. It’s also waterproof for easy cleaning, and runs for up to six hours on 2 AAA batteries. Jimmyjane offers a three year limited warranty, just in case. And the whole toy is small enough to make it easy to travel with, but be sure to take the battery pack out before packing it. There’s no reason to make TSA suspicious of your vibrating suitcase.

Jimmyjane makes some of the most well-designed and exciting sex toys and the Hello Touch is no exception. Pick yours up today and see for yourself how much fun is at your fingertips!

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

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